Disease

When the disease I have seeps back in my head, I got out in the middle of the night and felt the bitter cold on my cheeks. I used to make a habit out of it, every night I would sneak outside go to this over looking bench of my home town and sit. I would sit for hours, numb, feeling nothing in my mind, nothing in my heart, and the only thing that I felt okay being numb were my fingers and toes. I didn't shiver, I didn't bundle up, I would hope I would fall asleep in the cold, and not wake up. But it never happened, so thus I would sneak back out and go to that bench.


Today I found myself sitting in the cold, with the wind on my cheeks, and I closed my eyes.


I just am so tired.

Rushing.

The wind is picking up lately. I don't approve. No one is happy standing still, and I am a little confused why people don't enjoy where they are currently, it's always planning ahead, and no one is  content with what's going on today, just looking forward to what's going on tomorrow.  I can't quite understand it. What if tomorrow ISN'T better than today, and then today is yesterday by then? 

I am all about people making those next steps to what they want in life, but why do people pressure those around them to be where they are? I am so tired of people wanting to share their wants and make them mine, but I am at my goal. My end goal has always been happy, and I am. 

No need to look forward when my happy is next to me when I wake up.