Roughin' it Ranch Style

Well, my dear Matthew finally got me up to the family ranch this last weekend. We have tried a few times since we have started seeing each other, and it just kept not working out. When he talked about this place, it was like the magical place I'll never actually see with my own eyes. We were driving and driving, and the farther we got up there, he started to turn into this old cowboy, an 18 year old who was excited to see his long lost friend, and a historian all in one. He was so giddy when we pulled up, and I was breathless. I got out of the truck, and it was silent. The silence was deafening. I looked all around and there was nothing but the sound of snow melt, and my heart pounding. We went up to close up the ranch with his Aunt and Uncle. It was such a treat to get to know them. Without internet, television, and cell service, there isn't anything you can do but chat, eat and drink, which we certainly did. He has such special people who care so much about him, I wish he could see what I see, but I will do my best making it known to him.

I could tell you all the details that I will cherish about this trip forever, but I am going to keep a few so people will actually ask about the trip. All I know is I fall more in love with this man every time I see different parts of him. And I am so thankful for this weekend that he took me along for, because it was much needed, and I feel much more grounded after this weekend with him.  



PS. that picture of him looking at me, MELTS MY HEART!

XO

Loving Lauren

This is a hodgepodge entry of a lot of my thoughts from my personal journal that I’ve been writing in the last year about my best friend. 

I have been tossing with the fact that, in your twenties apparently is the time for people to change the most. Their hair, their boyfriend/girlfriends, their home, their future jobs, their sense of style and taste in music. Everything changes, and nothing really sticks. Friendships come and go in waves. Mainly not being that they are bad, just for the fact that was all you could learn from those people. I moved away to a little town for college about four hours away from anything I’d ever known. I moved away from my parents, my brothers, my dog, and it was hard, but I was ready to go be on my own. Since day one of getting here and watching my parents drive away, I was in search of my “new best friend”.  You instantly want someone you can hang out with and joke with and talk about the latest Grey’s episode and how INSANE it was. But among the people I moved away from, was my best friend. Lauren is one of the most adorable people I know. Never puts herself first, ever.  Has shockingly badass taste in music compared to her sweet natured presence. She is the toughest person I know and I admire her in so many ways. She challenges me to stick up for myself, tells me the truth when I don’t want to hear it, and always listens. When I moved out here, I figured I would find someone to numb the pain of not having her around, and I have. Every girlfriend I have met in this town, are all good hearted, and have special places in my heart, but none of them really know me. Lauren knows when I am lying about being “okay” and she knows that sometimes you need a target and Starbucks fix, just so you can get something’s off your chest, not to shop. The way she loves people, her work, her family, and her passions is inspiring. She has every reason to guard her heart so closely, yet, she craves adventure. She is never shy about sticking up for herself, or me. 

I guess what I have come to realize, is that there isn't going to be new best friend here where I am, not like Lauren. I have found a good about of men that I confide in and look to when I am needing anything. I am thankful for these friends. They have helped me grow and achieve better confidence. But finding another person in this world like my Lizzy, it's just not going to happen. 

No more pressure on people I meet, no more pressure on myself to find someone to fill my Lauren void. I need to find contentment with those who I adore around me, and keep loving Lauren, and making sure she knows how special she is, as best as I can.

(Isn't she stunning?)

I wish I could just be this way.

Talking to Strangers

Since the time any tiny human can walk, they are lectured repeatedly, " Do not talk to any strangers." Right? (I remember the first time I walked home from school by myself, and thinking sub-consciously to not even make eye contact with someone I didn't know for fear of a white van magically appearing and the thought of a lost puppy would lour me into that van... thanks Mom).  For the longest time I would be perplexed by strangers just saying "hello", or "how are you" when I would walk past them. As a teenager I would be embarrassed when my parents would just start up a conversation with a random person as if they were family. It is so funny to me now, because I am that person now. Who will crack a random joke, (even though it takes a very special person to understand my humor) I will start talking to them about their children, their dogs, their jobs, their lifestyle. As I have grown older I have realized most of my best friends, mentors, now, were at some point, strangers.


For example, my true soul mate, Lauren, (BFF since 1993) was just another girl at the day care I went to. When kids are in a class room full of little humans, who ARE strangers, they just become friends. They don't ask how old each other are, how much money their parents make, what color their bicycle is, they just start to play. They start to share, and they go into that friendship, with no judgements. They don't know, and don't care to know if Johnny pushed Susie on the play ground yesterday, they just know Johnny as the kid who shared his fruit snacks. I have tried to emulate this into my lifestyle, because a few things.

One: Everyone has a story, more than the story you think you know. I have been slammed with this fact over and over right to the face so many times in the last few years. I do what normal humans do, which is JUDGE. I think, "Oh, they must be this way, because of that." And thankfully I have been proven wrong every single time.

Two: That story that you didn't know about that person? Has a right to be heard. Everyone's story is unique, important, and most of all, not yours to tell.

Chances are what has made my life continue. Chances on dreams. Chances on people. Chances on adventures. Chances.

I gave a chance on a heavy eyed, 6'6, long haired, bearded man about 6 months ago. He was a complete stranger when he told me Happy Birthday. He was a complete stranger when we went to go get drinks and go dancing. He was a stranger when I invited him over to make cupcakes. This stranger was a stranger to my memories, but a familiar story to my future. He intrigued me, he made me feel more comfortable to be myself than anyone's ever made me feel.

He started out as someone who didn't share his heart openly, only through music. We became friends fast, we giggled so much, I felt this kinship with him because we didn't share how we were feeling openly, only through the albums we were feeling spoke the words better than we could. Finally I found someone who has just as big as walls that I had. Had been hurt, was stubborn, was very independent, but terrified of being alone, but all in different ways than I was. This man became my best friend, and then as walls fell, we became an unit.  The last 6 months have been hard, we have experienced death, new jobs, family issues, old wounds, and new wounds. He loves the Lord, his family, and now, me. But the thing about this stranger I met 6 months ago, is he is worth fighting for, and sometimes worth fighting with. All I know is I need this man in my life, and I sure hope he is there for awhile.

Most days...

Most days I just want to chop all my hair off, basically to look like the one and only, Norah Jones. It might be my next ode to being a bad ass that I'll never be able to achieve.
 
But then I realize cutting my hair won't give me her skills and I stick to youtubing the crap out of her lovey performances.



Happy Tuesday.


http://youtu.be/2IrWoKOLjQI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CWUA8H01UI&feature=youtu.be



Makes my heart happy.

Morning Doves

Life is rich, confusing, difficult, but in the midst of life at its finest, the sound of morning doves remind me of when I use to breath in the air and I believed it was pure, when I would look up to the sun, close my eyes and let the warmth of something so far away fill my soul, and most of all it was when I believed that people only have good intentions.


A lot has changed from those days in my life and one of the things I miss most about when I was younger was when I didn't know morning doves, and pigeons are the same bird...