As a big lover of music, elephants, and my friends, this song is fits perfectly.
My dear friends Corey is the artist and this is his new song, Elephant Man.
Listen, enjoy and pass along. It has a great message and will definitely be something you want to listen to again.
OH, check out his other creations too :)
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Give me Love
Oh hey, online journal. I seemed to have forgotten about you in the midst of all of the crazy-ness I now call my life. In fact, all the crazy, seems normal now and I get bored with everything if my life is going smoothly. I am currently sitting in my mud room, in the middle of a rain storm with my trusty pup at my feet, using stolen internet to connect to the world again. (this is where all the cool kids say #poorgirlproblems huh?)
This storm feels like how my life is, everything moving quickly around me, with me just having to admit I have no power and I just have to wait it out and take it in. In one of my favorite movies, The Pride and the Prejudice, there is a part where Elizabeth the main character is at a ball and there is overwhelming amounts of life that is changing and in that moment where she feels like she is about to lose control, she steps outside. In that part of the movie, there are no words, except you can tell on her face, that she just needed quiet, she just needed to feel like she could put her feet back down on the world, on her world that was starting to move just a little too quickly.
As I look outside of the windows of this room I am sitting in, the storm first looks ugly, and over bearing. The thunder is almost too loud, and when the lighting flashes, it hurts my eyes. But then when I get to thinking, what else could make everything so green and clean? What else could make the big cottonwood trees in my front yard dance so beautifully? What else could bring that wonderful smell we all love? This storm isn't like most storms we have in Grand Junction. This one is fierce.
I had a friend when I was younger that had told me something that never left me. I use to complain about rain, it use to ruin my summer afternoons, I mean who wants to be kicked out of the pool by stupid lightening? I was sitting in the front room of my house looking at a storm similar to the one that is happening as I write, and my friend at the time looked at me and said simply, " Rain makes everything better. Rain cleans everything, and gives you a new start. A clean slate. The only thing is rain doesn't ever happen when you want it to rain." Now I might get all spiritual on you, so if you don't want to listen, click the x now, because I am about too. My friend in that moment grabbed me and my other friend's hand, and we went out in that fierce storm. We giggled, danced, cried, and screamed because we could feel that everything that was going on in our lives at the time was being washed clean.
Now every time I am around a storm like this, I reflect and wonder to myself what is being washed clean? I have had a lot heavy-ness on my heart the past few months, and today I went to church. I don't want to boast about me being a great follower of Christ, because in fact, I suck. I am awful at it. God scares me. I mean a guy I imagine to look the size of the statue of Abe Lincoln in DC and have the voice of Mufassa is a little scary, am I right? How I found myself at church today was a lot of "good Macky" "bad Macky" talk all week long. It look a lot of prayer given selflessly from my friends and there I was. I walked into church, and slid in one of the last 5 rows in the back by the door, in a row with no other people. Usually when I go with my friends I sit near the front surrounded by only people I know. Today slowly, as service started, the row I picked filled with people I didn't know, and they didn't do the awkward leave the seat next to the loner empty, they sat right next to me. They worshiped loudly and raised their hands and smiled at me like I was a family member. Then boom, I am singing, (quietly because I didn't want to scare my new row mates away) and I get chills, and a lyric I was singing really stuck with me and I started crying. I was crying because my heart was full. And all the heavy-ness I have been carrying around was gone. All I asked God going into church today was that I could listen, truly listen and hear what I needed to hear, and that happened.
Anyway, on to the usual word vomit of Macky, I am not saying go out and seek religion to make yourself feel better. I will never EVER be that person who does that, but today that story is what I feel compelled to write about. I guess what I am going to say is what an old friends said to me many years ago. "Rain makes everything better. Rain cleans everything, and gives you a new start. A clean slate. The only thing is, rain doesn't ever happen when you want it to rain." You can't look for mother nature to make it down pour, you have to be patient, because then the wonderfully awesome storm will roll in, and literally take your breath away. And in that same sentence, you can't look for life to get easier, or pain that lays in your heart to go away, you have to be patient, because then the awesome parts of life will show up, and literally, will take your breath away.
You didn't think I could leave you with out some good tunes for your ears did ya? Check out this artist that a friend shared with me.
This storm feels like how my life is, everything moving quickly around me, with me just having to admit I have no power and I just have to wait it out and take it in. In one of my favorite movies, The Pride and the Prejudice, there is a part where Elizabeth the main character is at a ball and there is overwhelming amounts of life that is changing and in that moment where she feels like she is about to lose control, she steps outside. In that part of the movie, there are no words, except you can tell on her face, that she just needed quiet, she just needed to feel like she could put her feet back down on the world, on her world that was starting to move just a little too quickly.
As I look outside of the windows of this room I am sitting in, the storm first looks ugly, and over bearing. The thunder is almost too loud, and when the lighting flashes, it hurts my eyes. But then when I get to thinking, what else could make everything so green and clean? What else could make the big cottonwood trees in my front yard dance so beautifully? What else could bring that wonderful smell we all love? This storm isn't like most storms we have in Grand Junction. This one is fierce.
I had a friend when I was younger that had told me something that never left me. I use to complain about rain, it use to ruin my summer afternoons, I mean who wants to be kicked out of the pool by stupid lightening? I was sitting in the front room of my house looking at a storm similar to the one that is happening as I write, and my friend at the time looked at me and said simply, " Rain makes everything better. Rain cleans everything, and gives you a new start. A clean slate. The only thing is rain doesn't ever happen when you want it to rain." Now I might get all spiritual on you, so if you don't want to listen, click the x now, because I am about too. My friend in that moment grabbed me and my other friend's hand, and we went out in that fierce storm. We giggled, danced, cried, and screamed because we could feel that everything that was going on in our lives at the time was being washed clean.
Now every time I am around a storm like this, I reflect and wonder to myself what is being washed clean? I have had a lot heavy-ness on my heart the past few months, and today I went to church. I don't want to boast about me being a great follower of Christ, because in fact, I suck. I am awful at it. God scares me. I mean a guy I imagine to look the size of the statue of Abe Lincoln in DC and have the voice of Mufassa is a little scary, am I right? How I found myself at church today was a lot of "good Macky" "bad Macky" talk all week long. It look a lot of prayer given selflessly from my friends and there I was. I walked into church, and slid in one of the last 5 rows in the back by the door, in a row with no other people. Usually when I go with my friends I sit near the front surrounded by only people I know. Today slowly, as service started, the row I picked filled with people I didn't know, and they didn't do the awkward leave the seat next to the loner empty, they sat right next to me. They worshiped loudly and raised their hands and smiled at me like I was a family member. Then boom, I am singing, (quietly because I didn't want to scare my new row mates away) and I get chills, and a lyric I was singing really stuck with me and I started crying. I was crying because my heart was full. And all the heavy-ness I have been carrying around was gone. All I asked God going into church today was that I could listen, truly listen and hear what I needed to hear, and that happened.
Anyway, on to the usual word vomit of Macky, I am not saying go out and seek religion to make yourself feel better. I will never EVER be that person who does that, but today that story is what I feel compelled to write about. I guess what I am going to say is what an old friends said to me many years ago. "Rain makes everything better. Rain cleans everything, and gives you a new start. A clean slate. The only thing is, rain doesn't ever happen when you want it to rain." You can't look for mother nature to make it down pour, you have to be patient, because then the wonderfully awesome storm will roll in, and literally take your breath away. And in that same sentence, you can't look for life to get easier, or pain that lays in your heart to go away, you have to be patient, because then the awesome parts of life will show up, and literally, will take your breath away.
You didn't think I could leave you with out some good tunes for your ears did ya? Check out this artist that a friend shared with me.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Here I go!
This song is AMAZING. The artist is super rad and I cannot get enough.
I have a house everyone! I am officially renting my own place.. super nerve wrecking, and exciting!! I am overwhelmed by the fact that I am a big kid now. I move off campus forever starting Saturday. Yippee! I always tell people that adventure is out there, and well, adventure is here and now, and I am diving in head first. ( wish me luck)
Thursday, May 24, 2012
For a fool.
"For A Fool"
The Shins
Young and bright
But now just a dim light
Off in the distance
A falling stone
Following the path
Of least resistance
If I still fight, it's just that I'm
Afraid I'll slide under that spell again
Taken for a fool
Yes, I was because I was a fool
Tell me what you do
I lost my way in shades of neither school
So many times
Caught up in my head at night
With a leash and a label
If I can learn
Anything from this, then I'd be like
The fox in the fable of
If I still fight, it's just that I'm
Afraid I'll fall into that spell again
The way we used to carry on
Is stuck in my head like a terrible song
Taken for a fool
Yes I was, and I was a fool
Following their rules
Guess I was a very honest tune
Taken for a fool
Yes I was, because I was a fool
But now just a dim light
Off in the distance
A falling stone
Following the path
Of least resistance
If I still fight, it's just that I'm
Afraid I'll slide under that spell again
Taken for a fool
Yes, I was because I was a fool
Tell me what you do
I lost my way in shades of neither school
So many times
Caught up in my head at night
With a leash and a label
If I can learn
Anything from this, then I'd be like
The fox in the fable of
If I still fight, it's just that I'm
Afraid I'll fall into that spell again
The way we used to carry on
Is stuck in my head like a terrible song
Taken for a fool
Yes I was, and I was a fool
Following their rules
Guess I was a very honest tune
Taken for a fool
Yes I was, because I was a fool
Oh the joys of mass amounts of chaos.
As I am writing this I am outside at a Starbucks with my dog and I am over hearing a little girl asking her Dad what the expression" Going with your gut." means... I have been home for about a week and a half, and my whole entire world has flipped upside down, to the right, and turned 90 degrees. I resigned from my job as an RA. It was an awfully hard decision to actually make, but I have been toying with the idea of not returning for a few months now. I am really going to miss my friends that started out just being coworkers, but I have a feeling those friendships will continue. I guess when I heard this little girl asking her dad what the expressin "going with your gut" I reflected on what I have been experiencing right now. I am really happy I have had sudden courage to go with my gut. Going with your gut, can be the best decision, it's just getting the courage to do what you know you need to do. I am really happy I went with my 'gut feeling' on this one. I already feel better about my life even though making the actual decision was really difficult. I know though, without the job that I just resigned from, the friends and the experiences I had in the past year wouldn't have happened. Most importantly, I wouldn't have the confidence to go do what I want to do...or go with my "gut feeling".
After I decided I needed to not return, all of a sudden it hit on me. I am homeless, jobless, and am in the wrong town to be trying to fix all of these problems. After I had a melt down...or two... I have found the perfect place, and hopefully that place works out. I have a few job ideas lined up. Instead of me being able to finally relax for a month for the first time since I was a senior in high school, I am rushing back up to Grand Junction to try to sign a lease, get another job, and finish up summer school. SIGH.
I am currently very excited for this next chapter of growing up and moving on. But in typical Macky fashion, it can't just be one thing at a time, it is my whole life changing at once. Overwhelmed is just one word to describe how my brain feels.
On another note, the only reason I am actually in Parker CO at the moment is because of my dashing young brother, Billy. He is graduating high school and I am the work horse for my mother. It has been non stop moving, cleaning, taking pictures, getting all the food in the world to fit in a fridge, on top of me calling every person in Grand Junction to see if they have a place for me to live in asap.
My brain is a jumbled mess. But I am loving every second of it for some reason. It sounds completely silly, but it all feels, right? Yes, right, is the correct word. I am overly excited about whats about to happen in my life.
Oh the joys of chaos.
After I decided I needed to not return, all of a sudden it hit on me. I am homeless, jobless, and am in the wrong town to be trying to fix all of these problems. After I had a melt down...or two... I have found the perfect place, and hopefully that place works out. I have a few job ideas lined up. Instead of me being able to finally relax for a month for the first time since I was a senior in high school, I am rushing back up to Grand Junction to try to sign a lease, get another job, and finish up summer school. SIGH.
I am currently very excited for this next chapter of growing up and moving on. But in typical Macky fashion, it can't just be one thing at a time, it is my whole life changing at once. Overwhelmed is just one word to describe how my brain feels.
On another note, the only reason I am actually in Parker CO at the moment is because of my dashing young brother, Billy. He is graduating high school and I am the work horse for my mother. It has been non stop moving, cleaning, taking pictures, getting all the food in the world to fit in a fridge, on top of me calling every person in Grand Junction to see if they have a place for me to live in asap.
My brain is a jumbled mess. But I am loving every second of it for some reason. It sounds completely silly, but it all feels, right? Yes, right, is the correct word. I am overly excited about whats about to happen in my life.
Oh the joys of chaos.
Friday, May 11, 2012
Change
As an RA (resident's assistant), this time of the year is hard, I just witnessed my batch of first year college kids experience life away from home. I as one of their only sources most of them really clung onto me, whether they want to admit they did or not. I watched when they were having great days, but also really awful days. I had a lot of tears, a lot of hugs, and a lot of me giving out awkward high fives. I watched these young adults grow and change into these quickly changing versions of themselves all year long which was really a neat ( and sometimes scary) thing to witness. This past year for myself, has been a year of change and adventure. I got my dream job here on campus, became an RA, quit an awful job, experienced break-ups, a few make-ups, I am learning about my faith again, made wonderful friends, and did many things I thought I would never do and go places I never thought I would go. With the end of the year having come and gone, I was having to say goodbye to a lot that helped me change so drastically this year and I was having a lot of trouble thinking that a lot of those things were very temporary. People, places where I lived, jobs, etc. can all be very temporary and I was having a hard time of thinking that I was about to have to let go of a lot that I was really enjoying having in my life, not because I wanted to, but because time's expiration date was about to expire. I didn't want to not live in the building I know so well, and not have the same people in the halls around me. I didn't want to work with a new staff, let alone be on a different side of campus next year. I didn't want new friends, and I didn't want a lot of people to leave me because I was really starting to become comfortable with who I am with these people. But, in the past week or so, I have had this overwhelming sense of calm and now I am really looking forward to what the next year has in store. I am excited for new people, jobs, interests, and adventures. Being home now, really made me realize I think I need all of these changed and I could not ask father time for a better time than, now. I am really happy with where everything going in my life including the overwhelming amount of change that is about to happen, and I definitely can fill my positivity journal with a lot of words right now. (Yes, I have a positivity journal).
Monday, May 7, 2012
Patience.
Pa*tience Noun: The capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.
The word patience has been consistently showing up everywhere in my life. It has always been a word my parents throw at me and like any child, when you are told to be patient, you get even more antsy and aggravated that anyone would have the nerve to tell you to just be patient with whatever is so important in life right at that moment. Then this noun popped up on one of those Dove chocolate wrappers that I usually just get annoyed with. This time I looked at the wrapper like it was a human and was so upset that a chocolate wrapper had the guts to tell me to have patience. Then I was walking home with a good friend of mine, and he turned to me and said, "Mack, you just need to be patient with yourself. You are always in a hurry to have everything put together and you need to realize how great you are and should be treated as such. Things will all work out the way they should, if you would just be patient with yourself, you would see all these things I see." (lucky girl I am to have such a good person in my life huh?)
So this word, patience has been on my brain since my friend and I talked. Maybe this word is a good word, not a word I should just automatically get frustrated with. I am starting to realize that I have no control over what the end result in life is. Obviously I can sway the end result but, what is going to happen, by the grace of God, Karma, or whatever 'being' that I am still trying to figure out I believe in, has the control and I, Macky Cole, have no say at all.
With the last week of school being here..FINALLY.. patience is the word that is getting me by. I need to be patient with myself and know that what is supposed to be, will. For the first time the word patience, is giving me a little bit of hope or excitement, rather than annoyance.
The word patience has been consistently showing up everywhere in my life. It has always been a word my parents throw at me and like any child, when you are told to be patient, you get even more antsy and aggravated that anyone would have the nerve to tell you to just be patient with whatever is so important in life right at that moment. Then this noun popped up on one of those Dove chocolate wrappers that I usually just get annoyed with. This time I looked at the wrapper like it was a human and was so upset that a chocolate wrapper had the guts to tell me to have patience. Then I was walking home with a good friend of mine, and he turned to me and said, "Mack, you just need to be patient with yourself. You are always in a hurry to have everything put together and you need to realize how great you are and should be treated as such. Things will all work out the way they should, if you would just be patient with yourself, you would see all these things I see." (lucky girl I am to have such a good person in my life huh?)
So this word, patience has been on my brain since my friend and I talked. Maybe this word is a good word, not a word I should just automatically get frustrated with. I am starting to realize that I have no control over what the end result in life is. Obviously I can sway the end result but, what is going to happen, by the grace of God, Karma, or whatever 'being' that I am still trying to figure out I believe in, has the control and I, Macky Cole, have no say at all.
With the last week of school being here..FINALLY.. patience is the word that is getting me by. I need to be patient with myself and know that what is supposed to be, will. For the first time the word patience, is giving me a little bit of hope or excitement, rather than annoyance.
p.s. here is a great song by the talented Zee Avi that I was listening to while writing. Check her out!
Saturday, May 5, 2012
I wanna dance with somebody.
Here is a cool little series of pictures of my friend Kelley with my new and hip fish eye lens and a wonderful song from Whitney Huston.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Paige!
Well, this weekend I officially had a person come up and visit me here at CMU. I am so very happy to say it was my dear and old friend Paige! She is so wonderful and it was definitely really good to see her, and show her my world. We have known each other since about seventh grade and have seen each other grow into the people we are now and it was really nice to show off my place where I call home now.
We had lots of adventures, giggles, hugs, and even squeezed some yoga in there.
We had lots of adventures, giggles, hugs, and even squeezed some yoga in there.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Broken People
In Yoga this week we are learning about the Anahata chakra. In the yoga practice this chakra is the center of the chakras. A quick little summary of this chakra is that it deals with love, and the body area of this lesson is your heart. We were challenged in class to look deep into our thoughts this week and ask ourselves, "What do YOU need?", the main lesson of this week is to really understand and believe that what you need as a person is important. Going from class today I was thinking about a few things. Recently I have been noticing a lot of people around me are broken. Now, not really bones that are broken, but people with broken souls. I know it sounds like the making of a sappy song, but it's what I have observed. I have a tendency to want to love too much, and focus on taking care of others rather than taking care of myself. Lately, that is exactly what I have been doing. I go out of my way to be available to others whenever they need and or want and will dismiss what I need or what at the time. I do not mind dismissing my needs for others, doing so actually makes me feel better about myself in a weird twisted way. I can know a person just for a few days and will go into care giver mode and bend over backwards to make them feel better about whatever is going on in their lives. I have always been sort of a sponge in the sense that if one is sad, I will be sad, or if one is happy I will be happy, and so on and so forth. I get so caught up in the fact that I need to take care of the others around me, I forget about my needs. I tend to give out more than I receive and then find myself feeling unworthy when I receive same attention I give to others.
SO here I am writing this post in order to take ownership of what I need to do, and maybe I will actually do it if I tell the internet world what I need to do. (hopefully ha ha)
What I need to do is:
*Be good to myself and do what makes me happy.
*Do not let other people's sadness rub off onto my joy.
*I need to look for love and happiness in people who are also looking out for me too, and won't be selfish and only take what is given to them, but give back as much as they take. No more of this one way street business.
*Know I am worthy of having someone take care of me,and looking out for my best interests.
SO here I am writing this post in order to take ownership of what I need to do, and maybe I will actually do it if I tell the internet world what I need to do. (hopefully ha ha)
What I need to do is:
*Be good to myself and do what makes me happy.
*Do not let other people's sadness rub off onto my joy.
*I need to look for love and happiness in people who are also looking out for me too, and won't be selfish and only take what is given to them, but give back as much as they take. No more of this one way street business.
*Know I am worthy of having someone take care of me,and looking out for my best interests.
This is going to be a really hard thing for me to do, but I really need to take ownership of this part of who I am, and do something about it that will better myself. With this entry, not only have I noticed that a lot of people are broken and I have this weird habit of taking care of people that are broken, but I have noticed that I am a little broken too, and I need to find people and let people take care of me more than I take care of them. I am not sure any of this blog post makes sense, but if you take away one of my many crazy brain thoughts today, it's the fact that we all are a little broken, and we all deserve to be taken care of, not taken advantage of.
namaste.
namaste.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Guess what today is!
As I enjoy my first cup of coffee, listening to some fine tunes of Jimi Hendrix on this fine morning, I wanted to post a quick little entry because well... today is Tuesday everybody!
What does that mean you ask? That means I will venture so very far to main street in Grand Junction (all 1.1 miles) and go take a class at The Yoga Academy and get my yogurt on. I often refer to yoga as yogurt, because it's just a goofy thing my best friend Paige and I did in high school AND speaking of PAIGE she will be HERE, as in MY HOME, in 2 DAYS!
Happy Yogurt Day and almost Paige day! Meep!
What does that mean you ask? That means I will venture so very far to main street in Grand Junction (all 1.1 miles) and go take a class at The Yoga Academy and get my yogurt on. I often refer to yoga as yogurt, because it's just a goofy thing my best friend Paige and I did in high school AND speaking of PAIGE she will be HERE, as in MY HOME, in 2 DAYS!
Happy Yogurt Day and almost Paige day! Meep!
Sunday, April 22, 2012
I'm on top of the world.
Well hello strangers. It's been awhile and to be honest, I really wish I would have kept up with this online journal more, but thankfully I have been writing in my wonderfully handy dandy real journal, which just has something special about it.
Since December...
I am #1. Obviously I put my friends and family up there too, but overall I am doing things that will make me happy, and doing that really is making me live my life differently. Saying yes to things I never thought I would do and then actually doing them is a really satisfying thing, I will have you know.
I am adventurous! Who knew? I was given the opportunity to go explore Chicago and to be honest, that trip changed my life. I went by myself, wandered around with my family who live in the city and even got lost in the big city on my own. I have this new perspective that I can do anything I want to and that life will work out the way it's supposed to after that trip, my lifestyle is different because of it.
I will be living in Chicago at some point in my life. End of story.
I have really found things I love to do, and I do them. I love to paint, I love listening and finding new music, I go to yoga and am learning about the practice and all that it has to offer, I am smiling and laughing without caring how big of a goon I can be. I am in a pottery class, and I am conquering the art of wheel throwing. There is something really therapeutic about getting clay in every nook and cranny of your life and knowing that clay turned into something really neat.
I am a proud owner of a new camera! I got the Cannon t3i rebel... and let me tell you, BEST THING OF MY LIFE. I am so excited to post some of the sweet pictures I have been taking.
Moral of this entry, is do what you love, and don't care what people think. It's worth it. Adventure is out there people, and I think you all should take that step and explore all that life has to offer.
Since December...
I am #1. Obviously I put my friends and family up there too, but overall I am doing things that will make me happy, and doing that really is making me live my life differently. Saying yes to things I never thought I would do and then actually doing them is a really satisfying thing, I will have you know.
I am adventurous! Who knew? I was given the opportunity to go explore Chicago and to be honest, that trip changed my life. I went by myself, wandered around with my family who live in the city and even got lost in the big city on my own. I have this new perspective that I can do anything I want to and that life will work out the way it's supposed to after that trip, my lifestyle is different because of it.
I will be living in Chicago at some point in my life. End of story.
I have really found things I love to do, and I do them. I love to paint, I love listening and finding new music, I go to yoga and am learning about the practice and all that it has to offer, I am smiling and laughing without caring how big of a goon I can be. I am in a pottery class, and I am conquering the art of wheel throwing. There is something really therapeutic about getting clay in every nook and cranny of your life and knowing that clay turned into something really neat.
I am a proud owner of a new camera! I got the Cannon t3i rebel... and let me tell you, BEST THING OF MY LIFE. I am so excited to post some of the sweet pictures I have been taking.
Moral of this entry, is do what you love, and don't care what people think. It's worth it. Adventure is out there people, and I think you all should take that step and explore all that life has to offer.
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