You know when a really good song comes on; your mind gets lost in itself, you get in a groove. And then it comes to an end.
I feel like life has been like that of recent.. That chapter of your life feels like that moment you hear a good song. You want to keep listening and hit repeat a bunch... But then that chapter of life comes to a stop.
The best part is knowing another good song is soon to follow, but life can be so painful in those in between moments of stillness.
That's where I am in life right now. Everything's going well, and will go well, but I'm in an awful preface. I'm awaiting the next exciting thing to happen, and it feels like it will never come.
Maybe it won't.
Friday, March 29, 2013
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Be Here
Don't let your mind get weary and confused
Your will be still, don't try
Don't let your heart get heavy child
Inside you there's a strength that lies
Don't let your soul get lonely child
It's only time, it will go by
Don't look for love in faces, places
It's in you, that's where you'll find kindness
Be here now, here now
Be here now, here now
Don't lose your faith in me
And I will try not to lose faith in you
Don't put your trust in walls
'Cause walls will only crush you when they fall
Be here now, here now
Be here now, here now
Your will be still, don't try
Don't let your heart get heavy child
Inside you there's a strength that lies
Don't let your soul get lonely child
It's only time, it will go by
Don't look for love in faces, places
It's in you, that's where you'll find kindness
Be here now, here now
Be here now, here now
Don't lose your faith in me
And I will try not to lose faith in you
Don't put your trust in walls
'Cause walls will only crush you when they fall
Be here now, here now
Be here now, here now
Saturday, March 23, 2013
My Heart.
I feel it being successful at it's main purpose; keeping me alive. There's moments I find myself in the midst of chaos stopping to listen.
I remember I'm working. I remember everything is okay.
How many times to people in this lifetime confess to their heart being broken? Maybe it's not our hearts that's broken, maybe it's our hopes. Maybe it's actually the embarrassment of the hopes we once had. Maybe it's the fact we now have better hopes for ourselves.
Maybe that's why our hearts pump so fearlessly; because maybe our hearts did break, but they never stopped.
I remember I'm working. I remember everything is okay.
How many times to people in this lifetime confess to their heart being broken? Maybe it's not our hearts that's broken, maybe it's our hopes. Maybe it's actually the embarrassment of the hopes we once had. Maybe it's the fact we now have better hopes for ourselves.
Maybe that's why our hearts pump so fearlessly; because maybe our hearts did break, but they never stopped.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Being a seeker of His truth and love.
Once again I have ignored my online journal; for good reasons. One, I am poor as a college kid...wait.. (haha I crack myself up) and I have no internet and the internet I was "borrowing" stopped working so... no internet for me. It's refreshing really. Two, I have filled three paper journals in a few months. Which is incredible. It was just a few years ago I had about 5 journals that were all started, but never finished. Which was exactly how my life always felt. Well here comes the switch up of my life. God. My faith. My new found hope. Knowing I am worthy of love, my thoughts on life are more positive, being happy, actually laughing, and it all boils down to the fact that my soul has been restored. And I am certain that it is not the last time it will be. (Which makes me so excited.) The last few months haven't been the hardest, but for sure not the easiest. I have been given the challenge of loving people, without the certainty of being loved back, because that is what He does. I have been challenged to find myself, without myself being the number one priority. Making my faith the center of all that I have, or want to have. I have always been cautious. But now, because of this new found love, I feel like I can be confident in who I was made to be. I have been writing like a nut because I have so much to think, process, pray about, and I honestly feel like my brain might explode with the joy that my new heart has been bringing me consistently.
I have been blessed with the best group of guy friends at school. They are the funniest, encouraging, talented, lovely, honest, kind, and most of all they have challenged me to be a person of my word, and they always strive for themselves to live consistently in His word. I appreciate that they were my first true friends at school, even though it took me a year to meet them, it was worth all the struggle to find what they have given me. On the catch 22, myself being a female, I find the need to ask if I looked cute today, or to vent about a boy the hour before I go on a date, or who will venture to TJ Maxx without "needing" to purchase anything. As you can imagine my sweet friends have a hard time being that for me, and it usually ended up in one of them farting to make me stop talking. (Kidding, I am just kidding... well not really.) I was really craving to have females who could encourage me through life differently and a little more tenderly than my trusty male friends do. (I was forgetting that I needed this, because I've always been one to have more guy friends than girl friends, but in that time of my life I always had my best friend Liz at my side. Who would have thought that not having your best friend, the girl you have known since you were 2, not at your side was going to be such a struggle?! That was complete sarcasm; I miss her everyday.) The point I'm getting to is, that even though I have the best of guy friends, and a heart that has been made new, I was needing solid girl friends. I prayed for these ladies for awhile. With a lot of patience and trusting completely in His plan, I now have an incredible little circle with the most beautifully spirited women I've come across in awhile. Some of the friendships are fairly new, but feel as if I have known them my whole life. I have opened up to them more than I have to just about anyone, and with that I am grateful. I am so thankful for everything that has been given to me. They make this place home, and make me feel complete. My friends have become my family away from home and make my heart feel so full, and my soul is at ease with the way life continues to ends up working.
Where I am going with this is that God is good. "My thoughts are completely different from yours," says the Lord "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts are higher than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9 That verse is one of the many that make me feel as though, with all that has been brought and will be brought before my path in life, I can move forward confidently knowing a plan much grater than mine, is in my future!
Recently I've confidently turned to a few things, one of which is my art; which has never been so much work, but the best release of my thoughts. Music; I've been exploring playing guitar more than ever, singing for hopes, prayers, whatever really comes to mind. Most importantly sharing love to people. Diving into peoples hearts and souls, good or bad, has been always something I've had a passion for but recently I am seeing how to love people different than I use to. In the past when I get hurt, my heart gets hardened towards people. (Being human is what that is called.) There is a time in most situations where you can not allow your self to be selfless anymore, and allowing your self to guard your own heart. Everyone is worthy of happiness. One of the biggest life lessons I have learned in the last few moons is that finding contentment in the greater purpose of life is such a better way to go about life. Not allowing your self to get distracted by the trials of life, and allowing negativity to take over your mind. It is for sure a more challenging way to live life, but rewarding. When people decide to ignore negativity, I have found people surrounding the situation squirm a little, it's not comfortable for people to let negativity float away. Some people cling to it. I am not about to say I have perfected this craft, but I have learned, and am continuing to learn, that leaning on a greater thing than anything man made, will result in making my heart feel completely and utterly content. My life purpose is to make Christ the center of my life. To get to the point, showing people God's love and grace is one of the biggest life lessons I have learned in my adult hood (which is still very new to me). The best part for me in this chapter of my life is the fact I am not feeling any bitterness towards anyone, and there is only one reason why. I am not living for myself anymore.
Now this has been a process, not an easy one, but the most rewarding one. And definitely still in progress. Ultimately what has changed in my heart is that I am a seeker of His truth and love. And with that, I can confidently say that I am ready for whatever comes my way.
I have been blessed with the best group of guy friends at school. They are the funniest, encouraging, talented, lovely, honest, kind, and most of all they have challenged me to be a person of my word, and they always strive for themselves to live consistently in His word. I appreciate that they were my first true friends at school, even though it took me a year to meet them, it was worth all the struggle to find what they have given me. On the catch 22, myself being a female, I find the need to ask if I looked cute today, or to vent about a boy the hour before I go on a date, or who will venture to TJ Maxx without "needing" to purchase anything. As you can imagine my sweet friends have a hard time being that for me, and it usually ended up in one of them farting to make me stop talking. (Kidding, I am just kidding... well not really.) I was really craving to have females who could encourage me through life differently and a little more tenderly than my trusty male friends do. (I was forgetting that I needed this, because I've always been one to have more guy friends than girl friends, but in that time of my life I always had my best friend Liz at my side. Who would have thought that not having your best friend, the girl you have known since you were 2, not at your side was going to be such a struggle?! That was complete sarcasm; I miss her everyday.) The point I'm getting to is, that even though I have the best of guy friends, and a heart that has been made new, I was needing solid girl friends. I prayed for these ladies for awhile. With a lot of patience and trusting completely in His plan, I now have an incredible little circle with the most beautifully spirited women I've come across in awhile. Some of the friendships are fairly new, but feel as if I have known them my whole life. I have opened up to them more than I have to just about anyone, and with that I am grateful. I am so thankful for everything that has been given to me. They make this place home, and make me feel complete. My friends have become my family away from home and make my heart feel so full, and my soul is at ease with the way life continues to ends up working.
Where I am going with this is that God is good. "My thoughts are completely different from yours," says the Lord "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts are higher than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9 That verse is one of the many that make me feel as though, with all that has been brought and will be brought before my path in life, I can move forward confidently knowing a plan much grater than mine, is in my future!
Recently I've confidently turned to a few things, one of which is my art; which has never been so much work, but the best release of my thoughts. Music; I've been exploring playing guitar more than ever, singing for hopes, prayers, whatever really comes to mind. Most importantly sharing love to people. Diving into peoples hearts and souls, good or bad, has been always something I've had a passion for but recently I am seeing how to love people different than I use to. In the past when I get hurt, my heart gets hardened towards people. (Being human is what that is called.) There is a time in most situations where you can not allow your self to be selfless anymore, and allowing your self to guard your own heart. Everyone is worthy of happiness. One of the biggest life lessons I have learned in the last few moons is that finding contentment in the greater purpose of life is such a better way to go about life. Not allowing your self to get distracted by the trials of life, and allowing negativity to take over your mind. It is for sure a more challenging way to live life, but rewarding. When people decide to ignore negativity, I have found people surrounding the situation squirm a little, it's not comfortable for people to let negativity float away. Some people cling to it. I am not about to say I have perfected this craft, but I have learned, and am continuing to learn, that leaning on a greater thing than anything man made, will result in making my heart feel completely and utterly content. My life purpose is to make Christ the center of my life. To get to the point, showing people God's love and grace is one of the biggest life lessons I have learned in my adult hood (which is still very new to me). The best part for me in this chapter of my life is the fact I am not feeling any bitterness towards anyone, and there is only one reason why. I am not living for myself anymore.
Now this has been a process, not an easy one, but the most rewarding one. And definitely still in progress. Ultimately what has changed in my heart is that I am a seeker of His truth and love. And with that, I can confidently say that I am ready for whatever comes my way.
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