This song is AMAZING. The artist is super rad and I cannot get enough.
I have a house everyone! I am officially renting my own place.. super nerve wrecking, and exciting!! I am overwhelmed by the fact that I am a big kid now. I move off campus forever starting Saturday. Yippee! I always tell people that adventure is out there, and well, adventure is here and now, and I am diving in head first. ( wish me luck)
As I am writing this I am outside at a Starbucks with my dog and I am over hearing a little girl asking her Dad what the expression" Going with your gut." means... I have been home for about a week and a half, and my whole entire world has flipped upside down, to the right, and turned 90 degrees. I resigned from my job as an RA. It was an awfully hard decision to actually make, but I have been toying with the idea of not returning for a few months now. I am really going to miss my friends that started out just being coworkers, but I have a feeling those friendships will continue. I guess when I heard this little girl asking her dad what the expressin "going with your gut" I reflected on what I have been experiencing right now. I am really happy I have had sudden courage to go with my gut. Going with your gut, can be the best decision, it's just getting the courage to do what you know you need to do. I am really happy I went with my 'gut feeling' on this one. I already feel better about my life even though making the actual decision was really difficult. I know though, without the job that I just resigned from, the friends and the experiences I had in the past year wouldn't have happened. Most importantly, I wouldn't have the confidence to go do what I want to do...or go with my "gut feeling".
After I decided I needed to not return, all of a sudden it hit on me. I am homeless, jobless, and am in the wrong town to be trying to fix all of these problems. After I had a melt down...or two... I have found the perfect place, and hopefully that place works out. I have a few job ideas lined up. Instead of me being able to finally relax for a month for the first time since I was a senior in high school, I am rushing back up to Grand Junction to try to sign a lease, get another job, and finish up summer school. SIGH.
I am currently very excited for this next chapter of growing up and moving on. But in typical Macky fashion, it can't just be one thing at a time, it is my whole life changing at once. Overwhelmed is just one word to describe how my brain feels.
On another note, the only reason I am actually in Parker CO at the moment is because of my dashing young brother, Billy. He is graduating high school and I am the work horse for my mother. It has been non stop moving, cleaning, taking pictures, getting all the food in the world to fit in a fridge, on top of me calling every person in Grand Junction to see if they have a place for me to live in asap.
My brain is a jumbled mess. But I am loving every second of it for some reason. It sounds completely silly, but it all feels, right? Yes, right, is the correct word. I am overly excited about whats about to happen in my life.
As an RA (resident's assistant), this time of the year is hard, I just witnessed my batch of first year college kids experience life away from home. I as one of their only sources most of them really clung onto me, whether they want to admit they did or not. I watched when they were having great days, but also really awful days. I had a lot of tears, a lot of hugs, and a lot of me giving out awkward high fives. I watched these young adults grow and change into these quickly changing versions of themselves all year long which was really a neat ( and sometimes scary) thing to witness. This past year for myself, has been a year of change and adventure. I got my dream job here on campus, became an RA, quit an awful job, experienced break-ups, a few make-ups, I am learning about my faith again, made wonderful friends, and did many things I thought I would never do and go places I never thought I would go. With the end of the year having come and gone, I was having to say goodbye to a lot that helped me change so drastically this year and I was having a lot of trouble thinking that a lot of those things were very temporary. People, places where I lived, jobs, etc. can all be very temporary and I was having a hard time of thinking that I was about to have to let go of a lot that I was really enjoying having in my life, not because I wanted to, but because time's expiration date was about to expire. I didn't want to not live in the building I know so well, and not have the same people in the halls around me. I didn't want to work with a new staff, let alone be on a different side of campus next year. I didn't want new friends, and I didn't want a lot of people to leave me because I was really starting to become comfortable with who I am with these people. But, in the past week or so, I have had this overwhelming sense of calm and now I am really looking forward to what the next year has in store. I am excited for new people, jobs, interests, and adventures. Being home now, really made me realize I think I need all of these changed and I could not ask father time for a better time than, now. I am really happy with where everything going in my life including the overwhelming amount of change that is about to happen, and I definitely can fill my positivity journal with a lot of words right now. (Yes, I have a positivity journal).
Pa*tience Noun: The capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.
The word patience has been consistently showing up everywhere in my life. It has always been a word my parents throw at me and like any child, when you are told to be patient, you get even more antsy and aggravated that anyone would have the nerve to tell you to just be patient with whatever is so important in life right at that moment. Then this noun popped up on one of those Dove chocolate wrappers that I usually just get annoyed with. This time I looked at the wrapper like it was a human and was so upset that a chocolate wrapper had the guts to tell me to have patience. Then I was walking home with a good friend of mine, and he turned to me and said, "Mack, you just need to be patient with yourself. You are always in a hurry to have everything put together and you need to realize how great you are and should be treated as such. Things will all work out the way they should, if you would just be patient with yourself, you would see all these things I see." (lucky girl I am to have such a good person in my life huh?)
So this word, patience has been on my brain since my friend and I talked. Maybe this word is a good word, not a word I should just automatically get frustrated with. I am starting to realize that I have no control over what the end result in life is. Obviously I can sway the end result but, what is going to happen, by the grace of God, Karma, or whatever 'being' that I am still trying to figure out I believe in, has the control and I, Macky Cole, have no say at all.
With the last week of school being here..FINALLY.. patience is the word that is getting me by. I need to be patient with myself and know that what is supposed to be, will. For the first time the word patience, is giving me a little bit of hope or excitement, rather than annoyance.
p.s. here is a great song by the talented Zee Avi that I was listening to while writing. Check her out!
